Songs by Dead Girls Read online

  Praise for Lesley Kelly

  THE HEALTH OF STRANGERS

  ‘An intriguing tale of crime in a post viral Edinburgh, told with panache.’

  -Lin Anderson

  ‘It’s well paced with strong storylines, a frighteningly plausible plot and entertaining banter between its main characters throughout.’

  -Portobello Book Blog

  ‘The characters are brilliant. Their dialogue is spot on and the relationship between Bernard and Mona is great. A truly fantastic read!’

  -The Crime Warp

  ‘Lesley Kelly has a knack of leaving you wanting more...’

  -Love Books Group

  ‘A crime thriller in a dystopian and ravaged Edinburgh with a great cast and the pages which virtually turned themselves. I bloody loved it.’

  -Grab This Book

  ‘The Health of Strangers moves along at a cracking pace and the unsettling sense you get of an all-too-believable Edinburgh of the near future, or perhaps an alternative Edinburgh of today, helps draw you into what, at its heart, is a really well constructed and extremely entertaining thriller.’

  -Undiscovered Scotland

  ‘The Health of Strangers is as humorous and quirky as it is insightful and observant.’

  -Lothian Life

  ‘A great read... I’m looking forward to catching up with the characters in book 2.’

  -Sandra, Beauty Balm Blog

  A FINE HOUSE IN TRINITY

  ‘Written with brio, A Fine House in Trinity is fast, edgy and funny, a sure-fire hit with the tartan noir set. A standout debut, if there is justice in the world this book will find its audience.’

  -Michael J. Malone

  ‘The storyline is strong, the characters believable and the tempo fast-moving.’

  -Scots Magazine

  ‘This is a romp of a novel which is both entertaining and amusing . . . the funniest crime novel I’ve read since Fidelis Morgan’s The Murder Quadrille and a first class debut.’

  -Crime Fiction Lover

  ‘Razor sharp Scottish wit is suffused throughout and this makes A Fine House in Trinity a very sweet shot of noir crime fiction. This cleverly constructed romp around Leith will have readers grinning from ear to ear and some of the turns of phrase deserve a standing ovation in themselves.’

  -The Reading Corner

  ‘A welcome addition to the Tartan Noir scene, providing as it does a more light-hearted approach to solving a crime. Lesley Kelly is a fine writer, entertaining us throughout. The near-300 pages are deceptive, as this is a book perfect for romping through in one sitting.’

  -Crime Worm

  Lesley Kelly has worked in the public and voluntary sectors for the past twenty years, dabbling in poetry and stand-up comedy along the way. She has won several writing competitions, including the Scotsman’s Short Story award in 2008. Her debut novel, A Fine House in Trinity was long-listed for the William Mclvanney award in 2016. She can be followed on Twitter (@lkauthor) where she tweets about writing, Edinburgh and whatever else takes her fancy.

  Also by Lesley Kelly

  A Fine House in Trinity

  The Health of Strangers

  First published in Great Britain by

  Sandstone Press Ltd

  Dochcarty Road

  Dingwall

  Ross-shire

  IV15 9UG

  Scotland

  www.sandstonepress.com

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced,

  stored or transmitted in any form without the express

  written permission of the publisher.

  Copyright © Lesley Kelly 2018

  Editor: Moira Forsyth

  The moral right of Lesley Kelly to be recognised as the

  author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the

  Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  The publisher acknowledges subsidy from Creative Scotland

  towards publication of this volume.

  ISBN: 978-1-912240-08-1

  ISBNe: 978-1-912240-09-8

  Cover design by Blacksheep, London

  Ebook compilation by Iolaire Typography Ltd, Newtonmore

  To all the hardworking Annemaries in the voluntary sector – the world would be a much worse place without you

  Contents

  Confidential Memo: Health & Safety

  Monday: Nausea

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Tuesday: Earache

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Wednesday: Drowsiness

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Thursday: Breathing Difficulties

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Friday: Shock

  Chapter 1

  Acknowledgements

  Sneak Peek

  CONFIDENTIAL MEMO: HEALTH AND SAFETY

  To: Team Leaders, Edinburgh Health Enforcement Teams: North, South, East and West

  From: Police Scotland

  Subject: Drug Dealing in Edinburgh

  As you are aware, the growth in demand for both narcotics and non-prescription Viral prophylactics is currently making the drugs market very lucrative.

  We wish to draw the HET’s attention to the recent death (from the Virus) of Angus McNiven. Mr McNiven has been of interest to us for a number of years with regard to organised crime, particularly in relation to the importation of illegal substances.

  His death has greatly destabilised the situation on the East Coast, with new suppliers looking to move into the territory. Existing suppliers are extremely twitchy, and the new players appear willing to use extreme force to establish themselves.

  We are aware that the HET’s role in seeking people who have missed their monthly Health Check continually brings you into contact with people living ‘chaotic’ lifestyles, of which drugs may often play a part.

  It is imperative that HET officers exercise extreme caution when going about their duties until the situation stabilises.

  We suggest that you raise this memo with staff at your next team meeting, and that all staff members are briefed to be exceedingly cautious. Anyone requiring further information contact Ian Jacobsen, East of Scotland HET liaison officer.

  MONDAY

  NAUSEA

  1

  It was a horrible noise, the kind of unnatural high-pitched squeal that Bernard often found punctuating his nightmares. The fact that he was currently wide awake didn’t make the noise any less excruciating. It took all his self-control not to stick his fingers in his ears. Mona, the creator of the ungodly noise, pulled the remaining bits of shrink-wrap off the stab-proof vest, provoking yet more shrill squeaks.

  Bernard shivered. ‘Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.’

  ‘What?’ Despite her question, Mona’s profile radiated a certain degree o
f indifference which made it difficult for him to work out if she did actually want to know more. He decided to venture further down the path.

  ‘It’s a quote from Henry David Thoreau. You know – the nature writer? Advocated simple living? Spent years in a forest?’ The look of annoyance on his partner’s face clarified that she wasn’t interested in updating her knowledge of woods-based philosophers at this point in time. ‘Never mind. Can I have a look at it?’

  She passed the vest over to him. It was a solid torso-shaped affair, rigid, although lighter than he was expecting, with a strange rubbery feel.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re complaining about.’ Mona’s blonde bob covered her face as she set about unwrapping the second vest. ‘This is about keeping us safe. Remember that HET officer in Aberdeen who tried to retrieve a Health Defaulter from a crack den and got a knife in the balls for his troubles?’

  ‘Not exactly the body parts that will be covered by these.’

  She tutted. ‘Oh, well, put in a special request for a reinforced rubber codpiece.’

  A fug of depression settled around his shoulders. He’d been in the car with his partner for all of ten minutes and already she was annoyed with him. It wasn’t unusual for them to spend the best part of a working day trapped in a car together. As members of the North Edinburgh Health Enforcement Team it was their job to find people who’d missed their monthly Health Check, a front-line attempt to stop the spread of the Virus. This involved a lot of driving, knocking on doors, being lied to, sitting in wait, and eventually catching up with the Defaulter. On the days when he had inadvertently irritated Mona, eight hours of close contact with her could feel considerably longer.

  He tried to avert this looming disaster with some humour. ‘Not sure it’s really an area worth protecting. It’s not like it’s in use.’

  ‘Spare me, please.’ She continued with her peeling, then suddenly looked up, with a slightly more conciliatory expression on her face. ‘No chance of getting back with your wife then?’

  Glad as he was that Mona was no longer scowling at him, he didn’t feel inclined to enter into that particular area of discussion. ‘Not looking for one. Anyway, shall we suit up?’ He slipped his jacket off, then tried to fit his arm into the appropriate opening. The rigidity of the vests and the limited dimensions of the car made this no easy task, and he accidentally elbowed Mona.

  ‘Sorry. It would be easier to put them on if we got out of the car.’

  ‘No. I don’t want them to notice us and do a runner.’

  They were parked on a quiet side street in Morningside, one of the most affluent areas of Edinburgh. The property currently attracting their attention was a terraced sandstone building, with a large sloping garden leading up to it. The grass had not been cut for some time.

  ‘Not a bad residence for someone without a job,’ said Bernard.

  ‘I suspect the wages of sin are paying for it.’

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Number one,’ Mona held up a finger. ‘This is a nice bit of town, and that’s, what, a three, maybe four-bed house. You’re looking at the best part of half a million. Who is paying the mortgage on that?’

  ‘Our Defaulter could have a very rich daddy? Or she could just be renting?’

  ‘Even the rents in this bit of town are eye-watering. And I have another point. Number two.’ She was now holding two fingers up. ‘This is a fabulously expensive house, and look at the state of the garden. Every other lawn in the street looks like the grass was trimmed into place with nail scissors, yet this place looks like waste ground. And have they washed the windows any time in the last few years?’

  ‘You sound like my grandmother.’

  ‘Grandma could probably do a very good job of knowing a wrong ’un when she sees one. And my third and most important point is, we’re here, so there must be something dodgy going on.’

  ‘Not necessarily.’

  ‘Ha! In all the months we’ve been doing this, how many people have defaulted on their Health Check for reasons that were not to do with overconsumption of drink or drugs, or who were not in some way participating in illegal activity?’

  He thought for a second. ‘Occasionally they turn out to be dead?’

  ‘Usually due to the overconsumption of drink or drugs. Anyway, turn round, Bernard, and I’ll get the straps.’

  He obediently presented his back to her. ‘What do we know about today’s Defaulter?’

  ‘Alessandra Barr, twenty-five, missed her Health Check three days ago. And I don’t want to be judgemental or anything, but take a look at her picture.’

  She held up their Defaulter List, and Bernard stared at a slightly blurred photograph of a gaunt young woman. She had badly dyed blonde hair, which sat awkwardly with her dark colouring.

  ‘Has she got two black eyes?’ Bernard ran his finger across the photograph.

  ‘Yep. The day she turned up to get her Green Card photo taken, she had a face full of bruises. I’m going to go out on a limb and say she’s not a soccer mom.’ She opened her door. ‘Shall we?’

  Bernard tried to ignore the knot of fear in his stomach. Unlike Mona, he didn’t have the confidence that police college and years of law enforcement experience instilled. He’d previously worked in health promotion, where the day-to-day work of encouraging breastfeeding and smoking cessation had left him woefully underprepared for the realities of working at the HET. Most of the Defaulters they chased were less than delighted to see them, and he had spent many work hours being sworn at, spat at, and occasionally punched. He wondered if he’d ever get through the day without this ever-present feeling of doom.

  ‘Mona!’

  She stopped with her hand on the garden gate. ‘What?’

  ‘What’s our plan here?’

  ‘We knock on the door, ask whoever answers if we can see Alessandra. If they say no we insist that we come in, using the powers bestowed on us by the Health Defaulters Act, blah, blah, blah. The usual.’

  ‘But what if she makes a run for it?’

  ‘Then you stop her.’

  ‘What with?’

  Mona raised her hands in the air and wiggled them. ‘These.’ She started walking again. ‘Because rightly or wrongly, they’re the only weapons that the HET have seen fit to supply us with.’

  She pressed the bell, which made no sound.

  ‘Try knocking.’

  ‘Thanks, I wouldn’t have thought of that.’ Mona hammered on the wood. The sound echoed through the house, but didn’t appear to rouse any occupants.

  Bernard left the path and peered through the crack in the curtains. ‘I don’t see anyone, though it’s not that easy without the lights on.’

  Mona knocked for a second time, and again was met with silence. She turned the handle, and the door opened. ‘Result! Come on.’

  Bernard stepped over the threshold, both aware and annoyed that his heart was beating ridiculously fast. Amongst his many secret fears was that on one of these jaunts he was actually going to have a cardiac arrest. His only hope was that the heart failure would be instantly fatal, and wouldn’t involve him having to face the ridicule of the HET team from a hospital bed. He tried to calm his nerves by focusing on the surroundings. The hallway was dark, with the only light coming from the open door behind them. It was uncarpeted, but not in a trendy, stripped-back wood kind of way, more in the mode of ‘we haven’t been living here long enough to cover the floor’. Or maybe, as in Mona’s theory, the overconsumption of illegal substances had made investing in carpet a low priority. There were a number of doorways leading off the hall, and, from what he could see in the gloom, a rather magnificent staircase straight ahead of them.

  Mona turned to her right and shoved open a door. He made to follow her.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she hissed.

  ‘Coming with you?’

  She pointed at him, then at the door opposite, indicating he should check that room. He mouthed an irritable ‘OK’, and turned his bac
k on her before she could see the look of fear on his face. He much preferred being two steps behind her. Bernard would have taken a blow to the head or a knife in the vest quite happily just so long as Mona was making all the decisions. Backup he could do. Pole position was a different matter.

  He reached for the handle and tried to remember what he’d been taught in his month-long induction to the HET. He seemed to recall that there had been a whole day about ‘Encountering Hostility and How to Respond’. He paused with the door slightly open, and tried to remember the key phrases.

  Be confident. Breathe. Show respect. Moderate your tone. Keep your distance. Know your exits.

  He wiped the sweat from his hand, and threw the door wide. There was no response, so he flicked the light switch. To his relief the room was empty, although there was a lingering smell of cannabis in the air suggesting that it had been in use not so very long ago. In common with the hallway, the room did not benefit from any floor covering. Furniture was sparse, with the large and gracious room hosting only a dilapidated sofa, a coffee table, and a TV of a size and depth that predated the birth of the flat screen. The absence of furnishing meant a limit to places where someone could hide, although there was a door in the corner of the room, potentially a cupboard. He walked swiftly across the room and pulled it open to find it led on to another room. He caught his breath as he saw a figure coming toward him.

  ‘Hey.’

  Mona.

  She reached past him and turned on the light, illuminating the kitchen. Once upon a time, the fittings were probably state of the art, but it was difficult to tell from the layer of grime which covered the work surfaces. Unwashed dishes were stacked on every unit.